INDIANAPOLIS, IN - There has been a sudden decline in the following of fads across the USA, shocking parents everywhere. Spoiled children have stopped trying to be the first to have 'that one new toy' - for no particular reason. "I saw this sparkly blue thing and I wanted to be the first to get it, but then I noticed Michael had it," explains little Joey from down the street. "Normally I would have gotten it anyway, but I decided to go outside and play with some friends instead."

Dr. Gerome Davis, anthropologist is perplexed by the sudden change. According to him, children these days do not usually exhibit such behavior. "Popular trends have always been around. For the past 5-10 years though kids have been absolutely obsessed by them. Some don't even leave their home for days or even weeks after a new video game comes out. I am curious to know what is making these kids think with common sense now."

Landfills have been overflowing with Tickle Me Elmo dolls, Slinky toys, koosh balls, and all kinds of other [once] fun little objects. Pokemon video games were thought to have survived this extermination, but were confirmed to have been completely eradicated. Kids have even stopped watching reality television shows in hopes that real television shows will resurface.

Teenager Katy Budroski, has followed her younger siblings' example and thrown away her lava lamp for a more conventional source of lighting. She has also replaced her Tamagotchi with a PDA, now looking up to Mom and Dad instead of fictional characters over the airwaves.