HOLLYWOOD, CA - The most profitable film series ever is now about to try something new. After a handful of actors' failed attempts to live up to any of Sean Connery's work, director Mark Forster decided to experiment by casting comedian Carrot Top as the main character. "I chose this guy after hearing about his transition from comedy to serious acting. He's got great skill and pretty much just looks the part, so I thought why not? Everybody loves him anyway," he commented.

Carrot Top was asked to discuss his upcoming part and he explained, "It was really tough for me to pick this role. Yeah, I absolutely love the whole James Bond series, but so many other directors wanted me in their movies. It really came down to what costume I would look best in. I don't know if you noticed but I've been working out lately. I have to be careful I don't make the previous actors look too bad."

The newest James Bond movie will be titled, Goldfinger: 14 Carrots. Bond will be on a mission to stop a deranged Russian crime boss from causing some sort of terrorist activities.

Character, "Q" will have a number of sophisticated gadgets for Bond once again, such as a giant foam sombrero that doubles as a parachute. Instead of driving a BMW, this time he will be riding a state-of-the-art unicycle with a built in gyroscope. One of his handguns will be shooting Nerf pellets, and it is rumored that another will project a flag from its tip reading either, "BANG," "BOOM," or "POW!" The number of explanation points is not yet confirmed.